Without getting too much into detail about why and what not, I had a girl in college once superglue my balls to the inside of my thigh when I was passed out. After trying unsuccessfully to peal them away I had to go to the emergency room to get them removed. They were actually pulled [...]

First date I had with my now girlfriend she got completely hammered, punched me in the face and passed out on my couch. Next morning we went to breakfast and she ordered an omelet  called “The Whole Hog”

To get back at me for shoving cake in her face at our wedding my wife farted right before I went under her dress to take her garter off, with my teeth.

After we have sex my girlfriend would always check the condom, when we were using them, to make sure I came and didn’t fake it because her ex would always fake orgasms. Her Ex is a homo, she’s a little weird about things though.

I got a text from my girlfriend just after I clocked in at work. “yo c git u ass ova bf is outz n i want sum bootay” then a few seconds later she sent another one that said “FUCK”. She wasn’t home when I got back. That was a few days ago. I get [...]

I spent 30 minutes listening to my girlfriend argue with the valet attendant because she thought he stole her sunglasses, which were in her other purse. She called him a loser, an asshole, a liar and a piece of shit, all the things she calls me when she gets pissed. I’m not sure yet if [...]

My girlfriend Carly thinks the TV sends bad vibes through the screen, on or off. So she covers it with a blanket to keep the vibes out when not in use. Because, you know, blankets block bad vibes. I asked about the computer screen, which she leaves on all the time. No, that doesn’t send [...]

My girlfriend just started this really annoying habit. She is convinced I am the reincarnation of Raphael just because I can draw, so she calls me Raphael now. This might be ok if it was just between us, but it’s not. She calls me that in front of our friends, and proceeds to explain why. [...]

I came home to my girlfriend being yelled at by a bunch of skin heads with swastika tattoos. Turns out she owes them a bunch of money for meth. She said she thought they were cool with her cause they’re her friends. So I guess I didn’t know my girlfriend is a Nazi meth addict. [...]

An Ex of mine thought it was funny to stick a finger up my butt whenever I was ready to cum during blowjobs. She insisted that I really liked it and just didn’t want to come across as gay.

Came home to find my 42 inch flat screen smashed all over the driveway. My PS3 was in the rubble too. Just got Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood too, which was in the PS3 when it was smashed up. I got yelled at when I walked in the room. Where was I? Who was I with? What’s [...]

Not sure how to put this. The feeling you have that a family has died in this house and the ghost of the little girl is reaching out to you, that’s really some kind of insane fabrication of your insane mind. That window that was closed by the ghost of the little girl – that [...]

I would understand if it was like Bono or someone in a REAL band. But seriously, Davey Havoc from that silly fag band AFI emails you and you break up with me cause he MIGHT want to be your boyfriend? Have you heard the gay shit that comes out of his mouth? Holy shit. Someone [...]

My girlfriend asked me to piss in her mouth. I thought she was joking or something. She broke up with me cause I wouldn’t. As she left she said “What’s wrong with you men?”

My girlfriend’s parent’s were in town for Family Weekend and I had never met them before so we planned a dinner for the first night. My girlfriend and I happened to pick up where we left off on a heated argument as we were driving to meet them. We walked in the restaurant and she [...]